I sit on our California balcony looking over the calm and calming waters of the Pacific. My neice, Katherine aka K2 asked me what I do all day now that I am not in a traditional job. What a good question to reflect upon. I will answer you K2 as I reflect with the help of my writing. This word "reflect" is part of the answer it self. Work keeps us from this time. We spoke the other night at the Christmas party sitting facing each other about how we both have that genetic make up of feeling guilty if we are not productive. Are we raised with this? How we must always preform based on someone else's expectation.
Lately, I have been reading daily quotes from Krishnamurti and he speaks continually of holding on to our individuality and not conforming to the masses. Yes, K2, in our upbringing and any child's upbringing we should not avoid following the guidance of our parents but I am learning that there must be a balance between the two, conforming to the outside world but without losing our individuality. My habit in my life has been to stay busy and when we do this too much, we do not take the time to "reflect" on our selves, our thoughts, our behaviors.
I think this first reflection should be based on if we are living to our highest potential, first and foremost are we true to our selves to not lose this self, whether it be in our most significant partner, a parent, or a sibling, etc. Give but do not give away our "self" "Love is not meant to stay, it is not love until it is given away" This was a quote that was on one of your brother's wedding cards to he and his new wife. We must first love our selves for who we are not who someone else wants us to be. I feel our first love is to our selves, but I feel this card did not express this very important value. This time to reflect on holding on to this balance is one way I spend my time these days.
The weather says it's 60
but the sun
on my face
feels like 75
there is much comfort
sitting on the deck
with Buddha by my side
I feel a presence next to me
when I think of
the memory of Bangkok
my memory is of a person
who was with me
but I know I was traveling alone
was I really alone or
was that presence I felt
my protector
My theta
my self
protecting my child
I feel like it happened after I gifted my monk.
Is it my mother and your grandmother K2 or my nanny?
I spoke to Liz the other day and expressed after our conversation that I should and she should write down what we said, should have done it right after our conversation but let me reflect now on what we said. It is the same about my conversations with George. I read to her one of my daily meditations from Khrishnamurti, about "riding on the bus" and meditation does not have to be done standing on one's head, it is every present moment, to be present, to be thoughtful, to be aware of our behavior and the ripples it makes in the world around us.
The words that struck me most were "being aware of how we push others around" this control of others that we are unaware of, yes we may accept this behavior as a way to take care of the world of people around us but it is only a selfish act to take care of our selves and our own needs. But it is only taking care of what we want in the future, it is not taking care of our selves in the present, for it is only the predication of what we may think we need to give us joy. So we are projecting and we are out of the moment when we "push others around" to conforming them to what we think is good for their lives, something we can not possibly know.
In my meditations or thoughts, or just sitting as I am now pondering and reflecting on any thoughts I may have, I feel this is an important one to reflect upon, in blessed free time I have in my life. It is back to the question you asked me K2, how do you spend your time if you are not going to work? And now my thoughts lead me back to gratitude of my value of "being productive" This new years goal I have of writing keeps me focused on some some sort of productivity, writing down the thoughts. This is a form of sharing them, if not only to my self to others if they care to read them and inspire them to go on such a journey.
It is all a form of creating, thoughts written down on paper are a way to understand your "self" in a deeper way as like the paint brush put to canvas or beads put together into a piece of jewelry that one feels better when they wear. It brings me back to another piece I wrote about the dance step, the paint stroke and the written word. It adds meaning to our lives. After creating, I feel more whole, I feel joy. I feel that it comes from deep in side, not something I have done for some one else's approval but for my "self" alone.
I'm in the process of writing and perchance the doors will open to these words being published if it is meant to be. But these words may be only meant for me and a blog and go no further. This is an example in and of it self of trusting the process, the value of this present moment.
My writing is not only based on education but broader to include all relationships.
I have been a restaurant writing and I turn to watch a child inspect her high chair closely
It's about how we learn to be happier by seeing and observing as like a child. To be a child to be in the present moment with no expectations of the future.
Trusting our present and our future as if we had a parent taking care of us
Saturday, October 5, 2013
The Refuge of Skiing
The Refuge of Skiing
Kate Ratliff
To slow down
Last run of the day
I ponder
What have I thought of today
Not much
I give my self permission
To think of nothing
A cleansing of the mind
Only to feel the wholeness
Of the body
To be in quiet and quiet
I become part of the mountain
It's quietness is inside of me
It is meditation
Not found anywhere else
Difficult to put into words
It is beyond words
Beyond thought
Going down the mountain
I briefly become
conscious of the non thought
Which then becomes a thought
Observing for a moment
and returning to non thought
Like peeking inside the mind
Only for a moment
And returning to the peace
Of the whole body
Of non thought
Stepping back outside
Closing the door to thinking
And only conscious of
where my ski
will lead me next
Getting out of the mind
into the heart to who we are
Skiing can be related to creating
Music and the arts
The process
Not expecting what is created
Instead enjoying the moment of creating
The moment
of being on the mountain
The only product
at the end of a ski day
Is a tired and cleansed body
A "refuge" is
"Anything that one
has recourse for relief"
A place of shelter
from danger
Skiing is
this thing and place
To cleanse the mind
And give relief
from too much thought
Relief from the stress
of a worried and busy life
The refuge of skiing
Kate Ratliff
To slow down
Last run of the day
I ponder
What have I thought of today
Not much
I give my self permission
To think of nothing
A cleansing of the mind
Only to feel the wholeness
Of the body
To be in quiet and quiet
I become part of the mountain
It's quietness is inside of me
It is meditation
Not found anywhere else
Difficult to put into words
It is beyond words
Beyond thought
Going down the mountain
I briefly become
conscious of the non thought
Which then becomes a thought
Observing for a moment
and returning to non thought
Like peeking inside the mind
Only for a moment
And returning to the peace
Of the whole body
Of non thought
Stepping back outside
Closing the door to thinking
And only conscious of
where my ski
will lead me next
Getting out of the mind
into the heart to who we are
Skiing can be related to creating
Music and the arts
The process
Not expecting what is created
Instead enjoying the moment of creating
The moment
of being on the mountain
The only product
at the end of a ski day
Is a tired and cleansed body
A "refuge" is
"Anything that one
has recourse for relief"
A place of shelter
from danger
Skiing is
this thing and place
To cleanse the mind
And give relief
from too much thought
Relief from the stress
of a worried and busy life
The refuge of skiing
Bangkok November 2012
It is saturday morning of my day four in Bangkok. I awake at three after forcing my self to stay awake until eight like the nights before. I accept this as a good night's sleep. Besides, it is two hours later in Japan where I will be in three days so ten to five is a good night's sleep. I am grateful for my sixty year old body to be this healthy and resilient to allow for enough rest to enjoy each day's moments. I decide to go for an early morning walk with the hope that I may be amongst the orange robed monks carrying their layered food containers traveling to fill them with food gifts. I do not meet any but know in my mind and memory they are with me but more likely on more rural streets. I am grateful for the brightly lit spirit houses and the Erawan four face Buddha to remind me of their memory. As I pass the four face Buddha whose gate has not yet opened, I notice a fellow early traveler cusping his hands in prayer to the four face Buddha. I wait my turn and do the same. Even though I do not consider my self a Buddhist, I only have the chance to gain goodness by this act of respect in this culture I am blessed to be welcomed into.
I sit now in a comfortable seat in the Intercontinental Hotel enjoying my second cup of coffee and a delicious pastry put out as a gift for this hotel's guests. No one questions my cover as a guest.
I sit in stillness thinking about my messages from the Ojah yoga retreat I experienced only last week, take time to be still, to meditate and breathe and expel all thoughts, a most difficult task but one worthwhile.
The first sky train of the day passes outside the large hotel windows above me and I imagine my day ahead to travel to the weekend market.
To stillness. The light of day is gradually showing its face. If my thoughts will not go away, I turn them to gratitude. To be able to take this journey and not feel I need to check in with any person or obligation. To let go of worries and concerns to the outside world. To reach a state of awareness to self and realize there is so much joy and contentment when we go to this place.
A message from Uma, one of the Ojah retreat speakers: To learn to empathize not sympathize and to resist taking on another's pain.
The trees are silowettes against the dawn of the morning sky. I'm reminded of the beautiful sunrises and sunsets over the ocean viewed from our California balcony.
Stillness to meditate
with eyes wide open.
To slow down to observe
what is not normally seen
When too occupied
with the outside world
with thoughts of the past
and projections for the future.
To be still to see
the present moment.
I notice the sound of voices getting louder, more are awake to greet the day at 6 am. I look up and the leaves of the trees are visible and the light of day is almost in full bloom.
The monk, my monk, greeted me as I stepped into the early morning streets of Bangkok surrounded by high end stores like Louis Vuitton and the ageless culture symbolized by the spirit houses and the monk walking in front of me. I could see several other monks in front of him and across the street. I was pleased to be surrounded by them and no one else on these streets of dawn except the food vendors setting up their stands.
My walk hastened with my joy of this moment as I passed by my monk smiled in return to my smile. A bit embarrassed to be the traditional tourist, I asked to take his picture. He kindly obliged, posing in front of one of Bangkok's high end store fronts. In return for his kind act and because I had always heard of but never experienced gifting monks food, their only susatance for their time in the monkhood, I bought food from one of the street vendors and placed it in his bowl. Gazing into his empty bowl, I noticed baht, the Thai currency, at the bottom so I placed a fifty baht bill along side it. He thanked me with a quiet "kap Kuhn ka" with bowed head. The food stall lady behind me said "you will have good luck madam"
At the weekend market. I'm at a stall in front of a fan drinking fresh lemonade. My sweat is drying now to give me comfort from the heat. I have no idea if I will find it back to the sky train station but my mind reminds me not to worry and enjoy the moment. I feel like I am experiencing Bangkok more fully then when I lived here. I think I came here to the weekend karakul market a few times those years but it was a long trip through traffic in those days without the sky train. I went to these kind of markets with the weaving alleys growing up in pakistan. It is wonderful to have these memories brought to the surface. I'm searching for beads and don't know if I'll find them but am grateful for the beautiful Thai people trying to guide me and the treasures I'm finding along the way. My knowledge of Thai and my ability to replicate the tones is coming to the surface. I have even remembered how to ask someone's name. My grandson would be proud of me because he has complimented this trait of mine to ask someone's name. I learned this from my very caring boyfriend george and do feel it is a form of showing love and a kind act.
I feel a relationship between this experience and education. These values that are brought to the service are what are naturally held in the young child, slowing down to live in the present moment. This is a innate value in our children well worth our support as an adult.
I sit now in a comfortable seat in the Intercontinental Hotel enjoying my second cup of coffee and a delicious pastry put out as a gift for this hotel's guests. No one questions my cover as a guest.
I sit in stillness thinking about my messages from the Ojah yoga retreat I experienced only last week, take time to be still, to meditate and breathe and expel all thoughts, a most difficult task but one worthwhile.
The first sky train of the day passes outside the large hotel windows above me and I imagine my day ahead to travel to the weekend market.
To stillness. The light of day is gradually showing its face. If my thoughts will not go away, I turn them to gratitude. To be able to take this journey and not feel I need to check in with any person or obligation. To let go of worries and concerns to the outside world. To reach a state of awareness to self and realize there is so much joy and contentment when we go to this place.
A message from Uma, one of the Ojah retreat speakers: To learn to empathize not sympathize and to resist taking on another's pain.
The trees are silowettes against the dawn of the morning sky. I'm reminded of the beautiful sunrises and sunsets over the ocean viewed from our California balcony.
Stillness to meditate
with eyes wide open.
To slow down to observe
what is not normally seen
When too occupied
with the outside world
with thoughts of the past
and projections for the future.
To be still to see
the present moment.
I notice the sound of voices getting louder, more are awake to greet the day at 6 am. I look up and the leaves of the trees are visible and the light of day is almost in full bloom.
The monk, my monk, greeted me as I stepped into the early morning streets of Bangkok surrounded by high end stores like Louis Vuitton and the ageless culture symbolized by the spirit houses and the monk walking in front of me. I could see several other monks in front of him and across the street. I was pleased to be surrounded by them and no one else on these streets of dawn except the food vendors setting up their stands.
My walk hastened with my joy of this moment as I passed by my monk smiled in return to my smile. A bit embarrassed to be the traditional tourist, I asked to take his picture. He kindly obliged, posing in front of one of Bangkok's high end store fronts. In return for his kind act and because I had always heard of but never experienced gifting monks food, their only susatance for their time in the monkhood, I bought food from one of the street vendors and placed it in his bowl. Gazing into his empty bowl, I noticed baht, the Thai currency, at the bottom so I placed a fifty baht bill along side it. He thanked me with a quiet "kap Kuhn ka" with bowed head. The food stall lady behind me said "you will have good luck madam"
At the weekend market. I'm at a stall in front of a fan drinking fresh lemonade. My sweat is drying now to give me comfort from the heat. I have no idea if I will find it back to the sky train station but my mind reminds me not to worry and enjoy the moment. I feel like I am experiencing Bangkok more fully then when I lived here. I think I came here to the weekend karakul market a few times those years but it was a long trip through traffic in those days without the sky train. I went to these kind of markets with the weaving alleys growing up in pakistan. It is wonderful to have these memories brought to the surface. I'm searching for beads and don't know if I'll find them but am grateful for the beautiful Thai people trying to guide me and the treasures I'm finding along the way. My knowledge of Thai and my ability to replicate the tones is coming to the surface. I have even remembered how to ask someone's name. My grandson would be proud of me because he has complimented this trait of mine to ask someone's name. I learned this from my very caring boyfriend george and do feel it is a form of showing love and a kind act.
I feel a relationship between this experience and education. These values that are brought to the service are what are naturally held in the young child, slowing down to live in the present moment. This is a innate value in our children well worth our support as an adult.
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