2026 writing January 2 3 4

This reminds me of writing in the temple because that is the place I wrote and mostly in the morning, especially when I wanted to record my dream.  I don’t dream as much out of the temple as in the temple.  And every year in the temple they are clear dreams of Mom and Dad that I have written about in my writings at Wat Rampoeng. When I spoke at Dad’s celebration of life, I expressed that one reason I go to the temple in Thailand annually is that I always have visitors from close relatives who have passed on, mostly from my Dad.  The significant dream this year was a very similar dream to the one I had in February with the setting being in the home I had grown up in.  I found this so significant in many layers.  

I did not write as much this year in my ten days of meditation at Wat Ram Poeng and did not write at all at the second temple.  So I write now about my four day experience in the forest temple.  The second temple was in the middle of a forest outside of Korat Thailand.  I flew back to Bangkok the day after I left Wat Ram Poeng after spending one night in the hotel, a nice hotel I had found when I was there in February.  I returned to the Bangkok Patio where I have stayed since returning to Thailand over the last ten years annually with the exception of one year due to lack of travel from Covid. Bangkok Patio feels like a home because familiar faces greet me along with a familiar space.  The rooms are small apartments.  I spent one night there and had arranged for my regular driver, Hung Oui, to take me and my two friends, Courtney and Gi Gi up to the forest temple for our five day retreat.  

Courtney has facilitated mediation retreats, and weekly zoom dharma talks wherein I have been active for at least ten years.  Our group is one of my sangha groups, a group of people who discuss the dharma, the teachings of Buddha.  A few years ago he organized our sangha group for a pilgrimage visiting several prominent temples in Thailand.  This year he organized this retreat to Korat.  Only two of us from our group, Gi Gi and my self, accepted the invitation.  

After a six hour drive, more than it should have been with traffic getting out of Bangkok, we arrived at the temple.  The head monk, Phra Ajahn Prechet, greeted us and took us to our Kutis where we would be staying four nights.  A Kuti is a small hut where monks and nuns stay.  This temple had never had a retreat, it was a favor the monk had arranged for Courtney.  My kuti was a small room with windows on three sides and a separate shower and toilet with a separate door joined by a patio looking over a small pond.  Courtney said there was a mattress they used for when monks got sick so the monk offered this mattress to me since I was older.  It was only an inch thick on top of what everyone else slept on, a wooden bed frame.  My sleep was restful sleeping on my back.  This time unlike Wat Rampoeng, we did not give up our phones.  I was pleased with my lack of use of my phone, with a realization that continuing to limit its use outside of the temple would be a healthy practice. 

So our retreat began.  We met with the monk that evening as we faced him sitting on the platform where monks sat higher than us.  He told us what he projected our days would be like and asked for our feedback.  We would begin with a four o’clock dharma
talk in the temple followed by joining the monks for their morning alms around the neighboring community.  Normally, women did not follow the monks but he made an exception for Gi Gi and my self.  He explained that one meal a day was what he, the five resident monks and one nun practiced.  After a ceremony from the community presenting food they had prepared along with what the monks had gathered during their alms, we went to the kitchen area for our meals around nine am.  Ajahn Prechat had asked Courtney if we would like a second small meal delivered to our kutis before noon since we were not in the practice of eating so infrequently.  We all agreed that this was a good idea.  Our practice was what and where we chose, alternating between conscious walking and sitting as like at Wat Rampoeng.  It was easy for me to fall into this routine after spending my previous ten days at Wat Rampoeng.  

January 3 2026 a few more reflections

After breakfast the second day at the Forest Temple, I spent my time walking, sitting on my porch looking out over the pond and moving in and out of sitting meditation.  As my routine out of the temple, I lie down on my mattress, do my 26 breathing points I learned from my practice at Wat Rampoeng, followed by falling asleep for my hour afternoon nap.  Afterwards, I spent an hour walking one of the three paths surrounded by a wood frame, then back to my porch.  The monks invited us to the veranda looking out over another lake at the other side of the temple.  Here they met daily to have their afternoon tea or coffee.   There were five of us now.  Joy who is a school principal in the Philippines and is a member of our Sangha group and her boyfriend. They joined us this morning to spend two nights with us.  Joy joined me this afternoon at the walking paths, requesting to teach her the six walking steps I had learned at Wat Rampoeng.  

It was decided that on the third day, we would take a tour around Korat.  The five of us plus two others from the community rode in the temple van.  One monk rode up front with us with the driver, the other four monks rode in Ajahn Prechat’s car.  We went to see a ruin that had been used as a resting stop for thousands of years on treks from Thailand into Cambodia in the times when elephants were used for transit.  The history and the energy of the walls of clay brick brought me to tears.  

What have I learned that I bring into my life outside of the temple?  There is a sign I always notice in the foreign meditation office at Wat Rampoeng,

“The work is not in the temple it is after you leave”

This time of forced solitude teaches me to appreciate this quiet and doing nothing outside the temple.  This morning I awoke not wanting to write but I just began and it feels this writing is an acceptance of doing nothing developing into something.  This year more than most, I left with a gratitude of acceptance and appreciation of all the good things I have in my life.  I feel this practice of not being in a place where it is easy to find distractions, teaches me to avoid the distractions more in the outside world.  They are still there and a joy in my life but I take more time to also enjoy the quiet moments of meditation rather they be watching the sun come up and beginning to notice the joy and view of the mountain as I am now sitting at my small antique window facing the view of the mountain, stopping to do my breathing points, and giving my self time for meditations throughout my day.  I no longer make a set time for these mediations, they come in and out of my life naturally, even as part of my daily activities of cooking, cleaning, sorting my imported inventory, or creating my jewelry.  

Tomorrow I will write about Ajahn Prechat’s Dharma message, 

“Have you seen him?”

January 4

I said I would write every day even if it’s a few words.  Today I am reflecting on what Ajahn Prechat said in one of his first dhama talk, “Have you seen him?”  Him” is that alter Ego that gets in our way, “him” is what takes us away from the loving kindness that we should be sharing every day.  In some ways, “him” is like an ego of which we need to “let go”.  Let go of our attachments, let go of our distractions, let go of our control and more so what controls us.  

 It is the morning of a new year.  I awoke with a New Year’s resolution of writing everyday, even if it is just a few words, either on this blog, on my notes or hand written.  

I sit now at my little antique desk looking out at the sun coming up over the mountains.  I am in my new home, Tom’s father Marvin’s home in Candler North Carolina.  When ever walk through his door after my travels, Marvin greets with a “Welcome home”. I am so grateful to have Tom and Marvin in my life, creating a home where I feel welcome.  It is my reason for my happiness to be in a relationship with a man who does not wish to change me.  I can continue with my joy I love so much, “travel” and touch base with a home where I am totally accepted.  And many times Tom has and will continue to join me in my travels. 

Wat Rampoeng November 2025

I am totally convinced that there is energy in this place, spiritual energy.  I just had my visitor, my mother, coming to me in a dream as I awoke this early morning.  She was teaching me a recipe telling me how to cut the cheese for a specific kind of cheese pasta similar to a macaroni and cheese which was one of her common dishes. Originally we were going to have what is my favorite that she would prepare, fried pork chops but in very typical mom fashion she had only two pork chops so not enough for guests.  The guests were two of my fellow meditators. So we added the pork chops to the macaroni dish as mom suggested to have enough to feed us all.  She was teaching me how to cut cheese and I was cutting it too fast and too thick so she was gently teaching me how to cut it slower and thinner.  I had already breaded the chops with flour so that they could be fried and added to the macaroni dish.  My sister Alice was also in the kitchen with the two meditators helping us prepare dinner.

My mother showed her love through feeding me.  So it is appropriate that she came to me centered around food, her favorite dishes that I still prepare in her memory.  I do not know that I ever dream of her outside of the temple and definitely not in such as vivid way as I do in the temple.  She is close to me, touching me, guiding me in this symbolism of teaching me how to prepare food.  If for not any other reason, this brief encounter through such a vivid dream is worth my journey to come to these ten days at Wat Rampoeng.  It seems that I dream either of my father or mother or both every year I attend my vipassana. At my father’s funeral, I spoke of one reason I come to these vipasanas is because I have visitors from those close to me who have passed on. 

I am writing just as I awoke even before my coffee to remember this special early morning encounter. Now I will prepare my self for four am chanting to begin my fourth day.  

This year I have attended specifically during this time because I knew that a monk who was not here when I attended my first year gave daily Dhamma talks to the new meditators.  I asked this monk Ajahn Sukito when I came in February that even though I was known as an “old meditator” and did not have to attend the training week of the new students if I could attend this week to listen to his dharma talks. He responded that I could and this week was scheduled for that reason.

Ajahn Sukito has expressed in his Dhamma talk this morning the energy of this temple and the feelings we can receive from the spiritual world.  He spoke of this happening especially of this day “The Buddha Day” celebrated once a week scheduled around the new, half and full moons.  It is the day we first give our prayers to our parents living or not.  So not a coincidence that this dream came to me this early morning of Buddha Day.  

A beautiful meditation happened today, my fifth day, where thoughts of the most happy I could possibly be was in that moment of meditating.  I was meditating to many song birds in the trees above me.  I felt they sang louder and prettier than I have ever heard in the temple and were singing to me.  I found my lips turning into a smile as I was deep into meditation with only the thoughts of pure happiness.  It always happens that I am more comfortable and happy midway through my ten days.  I stop counting the days and am more able to find joy in the present moment.  

I have not taken time to write much this time at the temple.  The ten days have passed faster than they have in the past.  I feel this is true because I feel I have lived more in the present.  I have not done as much formal walking and sitting meditation.  I have spent more time in the room in series of short sitting meditations.  I have been more relaxed and not thinking I need to follow the quests for a certain amount of time meditating.  In reportings with my monk, she asks me how many hours I have done and I respond honestly six to eight hours.  I think it is that I have come so many times, the monks do not put the pressure on me and trust me to do what I feel is comfortable for me.  In every reporting she has expressed that I do what is comfortable for me so this has given me a more relaxed ten days. I have been going to sleep at seven and waking at two and taking an hour nap after lunch.  I like this routine and have learned that I love the early morning quiet times.  I have especially enjoyed the group chanting times at 4am led by Prah Ajahn Sukito.  Following the chanting, he has taught us an extremely slow technique of prostrations that I found is very relaxing for the body.  And with the exception of two days he has given his Dhamma talks following our 6:30 breakfast.  Daily at meal time, I am gifted a bag of special treats, bananas, avocados and today it was a delicious fried piece of fish.  I see no one else that is given this gift.  It must be that this particular cook feels I have come so many times and he recognizes and wants to reward all my visits.  I am reminded as I write these words of my dream of my mother caring for me by preparing food for me.  

I am so happy this morning awakening to a long dream about my mother and my father.  Many times they are not together in a dream.  This one really showed me how much they loved and adored each other.  Mom had an accident and needed some work on her chin.  At first Dad asked me to give her part of my chin but I told him I liked my chin the way it was so he and I went in search of a doctor to do the chin surgery.  Our discussion took place in our home in Davidson which has been in my dreams many times, but only in dreams during my ten years of visits to this temple. I wondered this morning if I stayed longer here if these dreams would be more frequent.  As like a dream from last year, our home was bigger with many fire places in each room inside and outside, all of them burning safely and warmly.  I know that I am a fire sign and adore a fire.  Our special screen porch that Mom loved so much and the large back yard with her clothes line was very visible in this dream so it was obvious that this was our Davidson home where I spent six years of my youth in third, fourth, fifth, ninth, tenth and eleventh grades and in Pakistan in sixth, seventh, eighth and twelfth grades.  Dad and I found a very caring doctor, he even invited Dad to lunch so they could discuss the surgery but dad did not accept because he wanted to make sure the surgery was completed as soon as possible.  They stood for an extended time outside talking not only about surgery but Dad was sharing about his own life, telling the doctor that he almost became a medical doctor instead of PhD in Economics.  I will have to find out from my siblings if this is true. The personality of my father was very personable and social.  There are times to this day that my siblings and I laugh about how we would have to wait as children for Dad to finish his social conversations when we were out running errands with him.  It was one of his many charming characteristics that I loved, respected and from which I learned to model.  To me, it is an example of sharing loving kindness which Buddhism encourages.   In the dream, I went to get the car, happening to be my present beloved green cooper, which I feel was a gift from Dad purchased with his inheritance money.  I named her Patty with the memory of my father being of English descent and passing on March 17th, Saint Patty’s Day.  I found my self waiting in the car for him to finish his conversation with the doctor before we retuned home.  The dream ended as I waited.  

The joy of my travels written 2023

 

The most marvelous experiences in my travels over the years are meeting and becoming friends with the local people. 

Firstly there are my spiritual leaders at wat rampoeng where I began in 2017 after finding the temple while staying in a treehouse in Chiang mai with my sister. We heard the morning chantings of the monks and followed the beautiful sound on our morning walk. And now full circle traveling with Alice around Asia again reflecting on others I have met through the years.  

There is Dhoo in Chiang Mai who was the concierge in the Galore where I stayed for years on either side of my ten or fifteen day vipassanas.   When Covid closed Galore down, Dhoo became a tour guide.  She always picks me up at the airport and we share meals together.  This year because her daughter was using the car, she picked me up at my hotel on her scooter the day I  arrived and we went to the night market together.   I managed to balance a large bag of clothing I had purchased at the market between us on our ride back to my hotel.  

And of course taking time after my vipassana to visit my long term friends Kris and Chon Hoover in their home in Chiang Mai and going out to our traditional Vietnamese lunch together.  Kris and I taught at international School Bangkok together and his Thai wife Chon would sell her beautiful hill tribe handcrafted beads in weekend shows we would have at our school.  Chon has a masters in fine arts and she created her beads first with clay and took then to her home hill tribe to be created into Thai silver beads by the hill tribe silversmiths.  And of course I bought more of her beautiful beads. 

There are those working at the Bangkok Patio where I have stayed for over a decade ten except for two years I could not come because of Covid.  Tep, the receptionist at the desk greets me when I arrive and Anan who is the general handyman always magically shows up in the laundry room insisting on doing my laundry.  And the owners of shops at jatujak weekend market, some who have become friends on Facebook. Kleedo, the creator of much of my indigo imports, Ann and husband Tep who ship all my packages. 

In Bali, my painter and his son our driver invited Alice and me  into their home.  I met our driver Herry through an Uber ride (grab in Asia) in Ubud  on my visit with Vicky Geros in November of 22.  I was looking for interesting paintings and Herry told us his father was a painter so we drove up into the rice fields to his studio.  What an amazing painter!  Many of you have purchased his paintings so I returned to his studio this year to purchase more.  These treasures are packed away carefully in my suitcase. 

And now my tailor who Alice and I visited yesterday down the street from our hotel. They invited us to sit down with them for green tea and ginger slices before the ordering began.  And a bit further down the street, my jeweler Kim. 

As like my tailor, another discovery during just  many walks. As I passed her display window on my first visit years ago, her Ming pottery chips caught my eye. I had purchased similar pieces in Thailand when I lived there for four years in the late seventies and early eighties. I was just beginning to create jewelry then with my own pottery and beads.  On my visits to Thailand in these last fifteen years, searching for them, the Thai shop keepers would tell me there were none to be found. Kim tells me her husband finds them on the beach but mostly under the ground where old houses have been torn down.  The chards are then filed down in her jewelry workshop.  Even more special, is the beautiful raw turquoise she set in my father’s high school ring I wear everyday. 

Vipassana January 2025

 The ninth year of ten day vipasana in Chiangmai 2025

I began this journey in January of 2016.  I have always journaled while I am here.  Reading over my journaling before I arrive is helpful because I am able to prepare my mind for another ten days of quiet.  It is a powerful thing to give up contact with the outside world when turning in your phone.  It would not be possible to go inward if this is not done.  I think I will try to do this periodically at least for a day or two when I am not on this silent retreat.  It does say clearly under the rules for meditation no writing so maybe I will limit my writings this year.  I will only add things that I feel are important to remember.  I will try this time to empty my mind as much as possible.

Second day

I seem to be dosing off to sleep more this year.  Of course lying in bed after breakfast to meditate is conducive to sleeping.  I felt that because I have been a bit under the weather with a cough and irritating eyes, I needed the sleep. So I will accept it.   Even this afternoon, meditating in the temple, I found my self dosing off and on between periods of meditation.  I accept this as what my body needs.  

Third day

I already had visitors in my dream the second night.  I remember speaking at my Dad’s celebration of life and saying that one of the reasons I come to this temple annually is that I have visitors, ones close to me who have passed on. There can be no denial that it is the place, the energy of the temple and its thousand years of holding meditators and monks.   If not, why do I not have these dreams and remember them in my outside life?  I have not done as much formal meditation as I usually do.  I do feel that all my time is spent meditating even when I am writing these words.  It is all about my journey and my time to leave distractions of the world behind me.  I awoke right after I had the dream.  Both my mother and father were in the dream.  And lots of children, ones I did not recognize.  The key characters were my mother and father and my sister.   We were with other family members and I believe were wondering around cotton fields,  the family cotton farm in Morven, still owned by my uncle and aunt who live there.  The land is now a pine forest.  My mother had gone to the house to put children to bed but we called her and said it was ok for them to stay up because we were going to watch a movie together in the cotton field and it was a special family time.  Maybe the movie was a symbol of all the family memories we had made?  We all settled down on a sandy area like a beach to watch an outside movie shown in the distance in the sky over the cotton field.  

It is the fourth day, January 23, Phra Ajahn’s birthday celebration wherein we are allowed to speak and enjoy his celebration, choosing from a wide variety of food from the vendors who have set up to honor his birthday.  The temple is full of locals who have come to celebrate his birthday.   The foreign meditators meet in the foriegn mediation office to be given instructions as to our procession to bring gift baskets to Phra Ajahn Suphon.  He sits in a chair in one of the temples and we enter as a group of around twenty foreign meditators to sit in front of him.  When asked by our monk teacher for someone to accept giving a speech to express our gratitude as a group, I volunteered.  When handed the microphone I said:

“Namaskan Phra Ajahn Suphon

 I speak for all us that we are very grateful for your wise and spiritual guidance to teach us to be better human beings.  Being in your presence reminds us to be focused on our meditation and sharing loving kindness to make the world a better place.  We wish you a very happy birthiday and continued wellness and happiness.  Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu”. 

It is now the morning of the sixth day, I have four more full days and then I have my closing ceremony on the eventing of the ninth day and will leave the next morning, the tenth day.  Along with my meditations, my time has been mostly sitting and reflecting on my life.  I feel like my life is in good order.  I am content.  I am especially grateful for having a good man in my life who keeps me in good company.  I realize this is the difference to give me this content life.  I am most grateful for him.

Another dream occurred last night.   As has happened in years past in the temple, I dream of our home in Davidson on Pinecrest Street where we moved when I was in third grade.  But in the dream I am an adult.  It was a dream with peace, my sister and brother were in the dream and we were sitting around a fire, there were several fireplaces in the house in the dream. In reality, the home had no fireplaces.  There was a similar dream last year with lots of fireplaces burning.  I remembered asking my sister where mom and dad were and she said they were away having a beautiful time together.  

My other thoughts in this time of clarity is that this could be my last time here.  I will see how I feel when I return to normal life.  As an alternative, I decided maybe my return will wait until November of 2026. Of course as I age, time will tell how much I travel.  I do realize especially with this clear mind that I want to slow down on my travel plans and rest more in Durham and Asheville in between trips.  I also want to reserve time to visit other places before my age and health dictate this frequency of travel.  The thoughts have come that being my tenth time, I have received what I need from these ten day experiences and can now incorporate what I have learned in my outside life.  There are so many feelings of counting the days, especially at the beginning.  As the days pass it becomes easier, it is like there is no time.  I considered more than before of leaving early this time.  These thoughts do cross my mind every time and when I reach the end, I realize that the ten days have been good and necessary.   There is a sign in the foreign office that reads “The benefits are after you leave not while you are here”.  So this decision to return or not will be made when I complete my ten days.  

A thought came to mind that during this time it is small things that we are greatly appreciative:  This is something I will commit to bringing into my everyday life:

The feel of the sun shining on my face during my slow and conscious walking in my favorite place to meditate, what I call the Buddha garden where I have spread some of my Dad’s and George’s ashes and want some of my ashes spread. 

My ritual of having my coffee in the morning 

The taste of fresh orange juice from the temple gift shop 

A nun handing me a can of very cold Coca Cola with a straw

My favorite place to do sitting meditation being available

A raised platform surrounded by a mosquito net

What looked like a tarantula on my ceiling not falling on top of my body lying on the bed underneath

A hot shower and the feel of warm water streaming down my back whereas in the first two years there was only a cold shower

The chanting of the monks

It is the morning of the eighth day.  I can easily go in out and out of meditation.  My sitting is more comfortable with the frequency of meditating.  Clarity of mine and acceptance of things in my life have increased.  One thought this year has been the acceptance of aging, acceptance of doing less than what I used to do.  I feel better prepared to let go of the desire to do things I used to do.  I feel I am able to accept this letting go.   I was wishing that I can still ski.  I can still ski but why risk hurting my self and then living the rest of my life with an injury?  This is an example of complete acceptance because of the clarity of mind.  I accept that there is no more skiing in my life.  This creates things in my future to add to my to do list, close out the time share in Tahoe, give my skis to someone who needs them.  Letting go of some things gives me time to do other things which I am able to still do.  I am still able to travel, maybe make time for travel that is easier at this age, maybe a cruise? I want to commit my time to do more writing, more art, more pottery.   I feel these trips to Chiangmai are a bit more difficult at the age.  Maybe this is my last time or maybe I come less often?  This I will decide year from year based on this process of aging and necessity to slow down.  When people or activities walk away, it is what my spiritual leader, Panesh says,“Thanks for saving me the time”.   

I  dreamed of my mother last night, a peaceful dream that she was in a car traveling with me and she was driving.  I feel this was an affirmation that she is with me all the time guiding me.

It is the morning of my last full day, the ninth day.  I sit and drink my coffee and reflect on my time here, this ninth time.  I have prepared a gift bag of tea and special cup I bought in the gift shop to my special reporting monk, Bhikuni Agga Nani.  The words of wisdom from the monks who have donated their time to this solitude and spreading they knowledge to people like me to truly help us to be better human beings, to travel though our lives with more clarity.  When I expressed to her in my last reporting yesterday that this week has been about my acceptance of aging and that the realization of slowing down is the result.  I was not sure that I would travel as much and possibly not be here next year.  She reminded me to always make these decisions in the present moment and that we will not know our feelings in the future.  I do plan my calendar for the next year but her reminder made it clear to make all these plans only a possibility.  At this point the possibility is to return again over Thanksgiving of this November 2025.  As always, in the first part of my stay here,  I am counting my days wishing to not be here.  But as the time goes on, I acclimate into my routine, live in the present moment more and am more unaware of how many days are left.  It is this clarity and the wise words of my reporting monk that encourages me to live in the present moment.  Each present moment is appreciated.  Before I came on the flight, I watched the Christopher Robin movie and realized how much reference to meditation there was, never mentioning the word meditation.  One of Christopher’s lesson as a child to Winnie the Pooh was that “Doing Nothing Always Leads to Doing Something”. He realized he had lost his own message as an adult when he returned to the Hundred Acres Forest and Winnie reminded him of this important message.  Christopher’s boss would tell him “Doing Nothing Never leads to Anything” so he had lost this childhood wisdom of knowing this message to live in the present moment.  There are also other references to time and living in the present moment in the movie, “Yesterday was today and tomorrow will be today”.  My commitment is heightened to bringing into my life to live in today and in the present moment.  My commitment to continue sharing in my writings and teachings about my journey in mediation is a purpose in my life.  I will schedule more invitations to meditate with me at Pilgrim Labryinth and classes in the apartment Maker’s Studio, and in Ventura on the pier or a class wherein Keya, a Sangha friend who joined me this year, and I share about our experience.  

As Keya has said, focus on my true purpose for my future life, it is not only about the selling of clothing.  She calls me a connector, I can use this connector characteristics to encourage meditation which I feel is my primary purpose.