The ninth year of ten day vipasana in Chiangmai 2025
I began this journey in January of 2016. I have always journaled while I am here. Reading over my journaling before I arrive is helpful because I am able to prepare my mind for another ten days of quiet. It is a powerful thing to give up contact with the outside world when turning in your phone. It would not be possible to go inward if this is not done. I think I will try to do this periodically at least for a day or two when I am not on this silent retreat. It does say clearly under the rules for meditation no writing so maybe I will limit my writings this year. I will only add things that I feel are important to remember. I will try this time to empty my mind as much as possible.
Second day
I seem to be dosing off to sleep more this year. Of course lying in bed after breakfast to meditate is conducive to sleeping. I felt that because I have been a bit under the weather with a cough and irritating eyes, I needed the sleep. So I will accept it. Even this afternoon, meditating in the temple, I found my self dosing off and on between periods of meditation. I accept this as what my body needs.
Third day
I already had visitors in my dream the second night. I remember speaking at my Dad’s celebration of life and saying that one of the reasons I come to this temple annually is that I have visitors, ones close to me who have passed on. There can be no denial that it is the place, the energy of the temple and its thousand years of holding meditators and monks. If not, why do I not have these dreams and remember them in my outside life? I have not done as much formal meditation as I usually do. I do feel that all my time is spent meditating even when I am writing these words. It is all about my journey and my time to leave distractions of the world behind me. I awoke right after I had the dream. Both my mother and father were in the dream. And lots of children, ones I did not recognize. The key characters were my mother and father and my sister. We were with other family members and I believe were wondering around cotton fields, the family cotton farm in Morven, still owned by my uncle and aunt who live there. The land is now a pine forest. My mother had gone to the house to put children to bed but we called her and said it was ok for them to stay up because we were going to watch a movie together in the cotton field and it was a special family time. Maybe the movie was a symbol of all the family memories we had made? We all settled down on a sandy area like a beach to watch an outside movie shown in the distance in the sky over the cotton field.
It is the fourth day, January 23, Phra Ajahn’s birthday celebration wherein we are allowed to speak and enjoy his celebration, choosing from a wide variety of food from the vendors who have set up to honor his birthday. The temple is full of locals who have come to celebrate his birthday. The foreign meditators meet in the foriegn mediation office to be given instructions as to our procession to bring gift baskets to Phra Ajahn Suphon. He sits in a chair in one of the temples and we enter as a group of around twenty foreign meditators to sit in front of him. When asked by our monk teacher for someone to accept giving a speech to express our gratitude as a group, I volunteered. When handed the microphone I said:
“Namaskan Phra Ajahn Suphon
I speak for all us that we are very grateful for your wise and spiritual guidance to teach us to be better human beings. Being in your presence reminds us to be focused on our meditation and sharing loving kindness to make the world a better place. We wish you a very happy birthiday and continued wellness and happiness. Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu”.
It is now the morning of the sixth day, I have four more full days and then I have my closing ceremony on the eventing of the ninth day and will leave the next morning, the tenth day. Along with my meditations, my time has been mostly sitting and reflecting on my life. I feel like my life is in good order. I am content. I am especially grateful for having a good man in my life who keeps me in good company. I realize this is the difference to give me this content life. I am most grateful for him.
Another dream occurred last night. As has happened in years past in the temple, I dream of our home in Davidson on Pinecrest Street where we moved when I was in third grade. But in the dream I am an adult. It was a dream with peace, my sister and brother were in the dream and we were sitting around a fire, there were several fireplaces in the house in the dream. In reality, the home had no fireplaces. There was a similar dream last year with lots of fireplaces burning. I remembered asking my sister where mom and dad were and she said they were away having a beautiful time together.
My other thoughts in this time of clarity is that this could be my last time here. I will see how I feel when I return to normal life. As an alternative, I decided maybe my return will wait until November of 2026. Of course as I age, time will tell how much I travel. I do realize especially with this clear mind that I want to slow down on my travel plans and rest more in Durham and Asheville in between trips. I also want to reserve time to visit other places before my age and health dictate this frequency of travel. The thoughts have come that being my tenth time, I have received what I need from these ten day experiences and can now incorporate what I have learned in my outside life. There are so many feelings of counting the days, especially at the beginning. As the days pass it becomes easier, it is like there is no time. I considered more than before of leaving early this time. These thoughts do cross my mind every time and when I reach the end, I realize that the ten days have been good and necessary. There is a sign in the foreign office that reads “The benefits are after you leave not while you are here”. So this decision to return or not will be made when I complete my ten days.
A thought came to mind that during this time it is small things that we are greatly appreciative: This is something I will commit to bringing into my everyday life:
The feel of the sun shining on my face during my slow and conscious walking in my favorite place to meditate, what I call the Buddha garden where I have spread some of my Dad’s and George’s ashes and want some of my ashes spread.
My ritual of having my coffee in the morning
The taste of fresh orange juice from the temple gift shop
A nun handing me a can of very cold Coca Cola with a straw
My favorite place to do sitting meditation being available
A raised platform surrounded by a mosquito net
What looked like a tarantula on my ceiling not falling on top of my body lying on the bed underneath
A hot shower and the feel of warm water streaming down my back whereas in the first two years there was only a cold shower
The chanting of the monks
It is the morning of the eighth day. I can easily go in out and out of meditation. My sitting is more comfortable with the frequency of meditating. Clarity of mine and acceptance of things in my life have increased. One thought this year has been the acceptance of aging, acceptance of doing less than what I used to do. I feel better prepared to let go of the desire to do things I used to do. I feel I am able to accept this letting go. I was wishing that I can still ski. I can still ski but why risk hurting my self and then living the rest of my life with an injury? This is an example of complete acceptance because of the clarity of mind. I accept that there is no more skiing in my life. This creates things in my future to add to my to do list, close out the time share in Tahoe, give my skis to someone who needs them. Letting go of some things gives me time to do other things which I am able to still do. I am still able to travel, maybe make time for travel that is easier at this age, maybe a cruise? I want to commit my time to do more writing, more art, more pottery. I feel these trips to Chiangmai are a bit more difficult at the age. Maybe this is my last time or maybe I come less often? This I will decide year from year based on this process of aging and necessity to slow down. When people or activities walk away, it is what my spiritual leader, Panesh says,“Thanks for saving me the time”.
I dreamed of my mother last night, a peaceful dream that she was in a car traveling with me and she was driving. I feel this was an affirmation that she is with me all the time guiding me.
It is the morning of my last full day, the ninth day. I sit and drink my coffee and reflect on my time here, this ninth time. I have prepared a gift bag of tea and special cup I bought in the gift shop to my special reporting monk, Bhikuni Agga Nani. The words of wisdom from the monks who have donated their time to this solitude and spreading they knowledge to people like me to truly help us to be better human beings, to travel though our lives with more clarity. When I expressed to her in my last reporting yesterday that this week has been about my acceptance of aging and that the realization of slowing down is the result. I was not sure that I would travel as much and possibly not be here next year. She reminded me to always make these decisions in the present moment and that we will not know our feelings in the future. I do plan my calendar for the next year but her reminder made it clear to make all these plans only a possibility. At this point the possibility is to return again over Thanksgiving of this November 2025. As always, in the first part of my stay here, I am counting my days wishing to not be here. But as the time goes on, I acclimate into my routine, live in the present moment more and am more unaware of how many days are left. It is this clarity and the wise words of my reporting monk that encourages me to live in the present moment. Each present moment is appreciated. Before I came on the flight, I watched the Christopher Robin movie and realized how much reference to meditation there was, never mentioning the word meditation. One of Christopher’s lesson as a child to Winnie the Pooh was that “Doing Nothing Always Leads to Doing Something”. He realized he had lost his own message as an adult when he returned to the Hundred Acres Forest and Winnie reminded him of this important message. Christopher’s boss would tell him “Doing Nothing Never leads to Anything” so he had lost this childhood wisdom of knowing this message to live in the present moment. There are also other references to time and living in the present moment in the movie, “Yesterday was today and tomorrow will be today”. My commitment is heightened to bringing into my life to live in today and in the present moment. My commitment to continue sharing in my writings and teachings about my journey in mediation is a purpose in my life. I will schedule more invitations to meditate with me at Pilgrim Labryinth and classes in the apartment Maker’s Studio, and in Ventura on the pier or a class wherein Keya, a Sangha friend who joined me this year, and I share about our experience.
As Keya has said, focus on my true purpose for my future life, it is not only about the selling of clothing. She calls me a connector, I can use this connector characteristics to encourage meditation which I feel is my primary purpose.
