January 15 to January 24 vipassana 2024
It is the morning of going into the temple for my seventh ten day vipassana, beginning in 2016. I’m in the hotel restaurant eating my last traditional breakfast because all of the meals will be Thai in the temple. I am conscious if I have remembered everything I need for the ten days in the temple. There is not much in my suitcase, it is half full of a memory foam and a comforter to sleep on so I don’t have too much pain in my old hips in the platform bed with only a yoga mat that the temple provides. The other half is full of my white clothing required by the temple. It is amazing how little we need. To live with so little allows me to appreciate the pleasures I have in my home. During my vipassana last year, the monk to whom I report told me I needed to live where people love me. So I moved from California to North Carolina to be with my sister and her family. Over the last six months of living in my beautifully decorated home and close to my loving family in Durham, I know this has been a solid and good decision. It is one of the many benefits of these vipassanas that allow me to clear my mind to make these positive decisions in my life. I wonder what decisions will be made this time.
The morning of January 16 2024
I awake after my first night of my vipassana. I was pleased that I coincidentally got assigned to the room I had last time. I told the monk who assigns the room and he was also surprised. And are there no coincidences? I am happy I am in a room of familiarity, it is like I never left eleven months ago. With no thought, I moved the bed as I did last year, to face the door and the the view of the outside. I enjoyed reading my notes from last year wherein the decision was made to move to the east coast. It did became a reality sooner than I predicted. I am grateful of this time to slow down and make these life changing positive decisions. I was also thankful to hear when I checked in yesterday that I will be reporting to the monastic teacher who I have reported to most years during my vipassanas. I look forward to my first reporting with her this morning and thanking her for her guidance in my decision to move to the east coast to be close to my family, a decision which has been a great one.
Late afternoon on January 16
What is the benefit of my vipassanas? I clear my mind of all everyday clutter and am able to make future plans as I did last year with my move. This year I predict there would be no change of plans. I predict that this will be an affirmation that I am on the right journey. Yes there may be some fine tuning as these days pass. But as I declutter my mind, I have reflected on my future plans. And all seems good. Planning my schedule a year ahead gives me security. I am enjoying my trips, visits to Cabo, Tahoe, and Thailand and my visits to California every other month. And mostly I am enjoying my extra time spent with family living close by to all of them, my sister, my niece and her husband, my nephew and his wife and children, my cousin. Life is good and this time of slowing down allows me to appreciate my life, my travel, my health and being close and spending time with family.
The morning of January 18
Third day of vipassana
The time has gone quickly unlike years before. These first days were always difficult in the past vipasanas but I find this year I am able to get quickly into the rhythm of my days. One must meditate, there is nothing else to occupy the time. No phone and a great realization once again how attached we become to this device. Why have these days been easier? I feel like last year I was struggling with an uneasiness of my life being away from family. I did not know this until I entered my ten days last year and struggled during these days to make a decision. The decision was made, the move was made and now this year, I am not struggling with any big decisions. There is peace. During one of my meditation sessions yesterday, the word “truth” came to mind. I feel I am living my “truth.”
These words referencing to “truth” struck me in a book written by the renown monk Honorable Dr. Phra Dmmarmamangalajrn “Path to Nibbana” gifted to me by my reporting monk at my last reporting.
“To gain an insight into the three characteristics of impermanence, suffering, and non-self, the meditator has to contemplate the body/mind in the present moment while they are arising and ceasing perpetually. When the concentration is strong, the mind that usually wonders moving one thing to another becomes calm and still. In this state the mind, focusing on mindfulness and acknowledging, sees and knows only what has never before been seen or known. The mind then perceives to become satisfied to preserve the truth that there is the body/mind which keeps arising and ceasing”.
I found a magazine in the grocery store before I left only on the subject on creating mindfulness through meditation. Being one who values research accomplishing a dissertation testing the significance on teaching kindness to the young children, I value this academic research. I kept the pages that confirmed these proven benefits of meditation. There are many including heightened immune system, happiness, memory, lack of anger, worry and stress, and being able to focus better. It was nice to read about the research and to know that mediation has had these benefits in my own life.
My plans are to get involved more in my home of Durham with meditation groups and see if there is a need there to form a group of my own. I do think I have unique experiences to share and I am missing my sangha group in Ventura. This would create a sangha group in Durham. I could start very small and find others who are interested in meeting once a week. I have already made steps by discussing with pastor LIndy and Nancy Ruth in my new church to start a group. We would include walking the labyrinth before church every Sunday that I am there. I feel excitement with this plan and a need and desire to move into a teacher role.
The morning of January 19
These days are not without difficulty and slow because nothing is here accept meditation. There are times of restlessness and wishing the days would pass faster. I am now waking up to my fifth day. I do have feelings of more peace and less restlessness as the days pass. Some of my meditations have been rich but others are difficult to settle in to and when I do, sleep is a hindrance. I notice that looking around at others during their sittings, sleep is not uncommon. I watch them as their heads fall forward.
One beautiful part of the ten days is “Buddha Day” which occurs every Thursday evening which was last night. All the meditators light candles and walk as a group around the pagoda three times in respect to the Buddha. Then we place our lit candle, incense and flowers on the base of the over a thousand year old pagoda. I have up and down thoughts of questioning why I am here but always like in the past, I have experienced that the greatest benefit is after the ten days are completed. The walk with fellow meditators around the pagoda is a very spiritual and uplifting moment and I reflect as I am walking. It is necessary and beneficial to me that I continue my journey to attend my Vipasssana here annually. All doubt has left me in this experience and flows into lack of doubt this morning.
The morning of January 21
Sunday morning has always been the most enlightening day of the week for me. And today is no exception. Although I have resisted when my monk gives me the assignment to be “in determination,” I accepted whole heartedly today. She asked me about it at the beginning of the week and I told her I did not want to do it. But now that the days have given me this peace and relaxed feeling, my fear of it has disappeared. I was actually excited and proud that she felt I was ready and prepared to end my time with the one day of “in determination”. Originally my first “in determination” was for three days and at that time I was more serious about following the rules. I have learned over these years that this vipassana experience is what I personally make it and I am in charge of my own journey. Two friends from California came by on Friday on their Asian travel trip. As I introduced them to one of my monastic teachers who is in charge of the foreign office, I told my friends that he was the one in charge of me. He corrected me and said “No, Kate is in charge of her self”. A sign saying “in determination, please do not disturb” now hangs on my door. During these next 24 hours of “in determination,” I only complete my mediation cycles in my room. One of the kitchen staff has just come by to hang my lunch in plastic bags on my door on top of the sign. One is told to try not to sleep but my monastic teacher who I report to and gives me my assignment, told me in my reporting to stay awake until the body shuts down for these next 24 hours. The note that was left in my room by the previous meditator is brought to my mind. Her words were a turning point in these vipassana journeys. “They have lots of rules here, follow what you can but remember to do what comes natural to you in pursuit of your own journey”.
The morning of Jan 22
I had the most vivid dream I have ever had. It felt like it was total reality. I have always said one reason I come to do these vipassanas is that I have visitors from those who have died. This dream was about my dear Sophie. Yes, a dog, but a dog more important to me in her fourteen years than most people. My sister was in the dream with me and we were playing with another dog I owned, Jack, a Jack Russell. My sister was trying to help me feel better and trying to convince me how special Jack was and I agreed but said he was not the same as Sophie. I was sad because I had lost Sophie but not from death because she was alive and missing. A very scruffy bearded man drove up in an old truck with Sophie and said he had come a long distance to bring her back to me. I remembered at the moment I had given Sophie to this man because he was someone known to spiritually be able to tell what is physically wrong with an animal and know how long they will live. He told me he had bad news because Sophie’s heart was not in its right place and she would die soon on her own but it would be best to put her out of her misery now. This had happened to Sophie in reality and the vet had put her to sleep to her death five years ago as I held her in my arms. I was comforted by this dream that I could hold Sophie in my arms once more and feel her heart and her love. Did Sophie in this dream represent all the people who have passed on, my mother, my father, and George? These are people who have felt their presence in this place during my vipassanas in years before. And during this determination, I am grateful Sophie came to me to represent that all of these loved ones are still present with me. I feel this dream was most significant because this year more than others, I had no predictions or expectation of having visitors and they came naturally. I remember the words of Ajahn Sukito when I said on my visit November before last to just come spend a morning and meditate, I said I had the deepest meditation that morning. He said it is the energy of the place and the many years of meditation which have taken place here by so many.
Morning of January 23
Happy Birthday to Phra Ajahn Suphon! One reason I scheduled my vipassana for this week is that there is an annual celebration for Phra Ajahn Suphon, the head monk here and many temples in Thailand. It is an especially important one because in the last year, he has had a close death experience with brain clots. He is better now but the people here in the temple and outside the temple or showing their gratitude and wishes for his continued better health. The temple is full of vendors gifting their food. The temple is full of people coming from outside the temple to celebrate his birthday, bringing gifts to all the monks who live here to show their respect for creating good merit and loving kindness to the world. When walking over to the kitchen to get my hot water for my coffee at four o’clock this morning, the temple was full of people preparing for the event.
I have my closing ceremony after breakfast at seven this morning. My bed is stripped of sheets I will return to the foreign office and my bag is packed. I look forward to my freedom outside of the temple. This time away from the outside activity brings a heightened appreciation of my freedom in the outside world. I look forward to having my phone returned to me after my closing and communicating with my loved ones. I will stay for the celebration this morning and return to my hotel after I sample the delicious food and pay my respects to Phra Ajahn Suphon.
